After Fire
by dakotalilys
Summary: What happened to Naomi Campbell and Emily Fitch after Skins Fire?
1. After Fire Pt 1

_"She's not going to get any better. The best you can do is make her comfortable."_

Emily chose to not believe it. It might have been the slight denials in her head saying that this was all a fucked dream, but hearing the doctors say that while they sat her down in a sterile room was cruel. Her eyes were raw, what else would they be? She felt dehydrated and lonely. Most days were spent at the hospital and sitting next to Naomi's bedside, but it wasn't helping. She slept too much. She looked weaker and weaker each day.

Naomi didn't want to continue the treatment, but Emily insisted. She wasn't alone this time. After much convincing and hand stroking, Naomi agreed. What else did she have to lose? Beside the rest of her hair.

Emily constantly reminded her how beautiful she was, while Naomi joked weakly about how her head resembled and old cock with too many wrinkles. It was nice to hear her laugh; it didn't happen very often. It was enough to make a few more jokes pop out of her memorable smile and rounded blue eyes. With her large draping hat over her thinning face, it somehow made them look even bluer; more lively.

Most days Naomi spent sleeping, while Emily read to her from her photography portfolio or one of her favorite books. She thought she'd share with Naomi, even if she were asleep cuddled under numerous blankets. There had to be some sort of consciousness retaining her words in there. In fact, she knew there was. During one of her many hours reading aloud to her girlfriend, she felt a faint squeeze on her hand once she stopped. Naomi obviously wanted to hear more, which made Emily happy; although, there would always be that stray tear sliding down her cheek thinking it would be the last time.

Emily spent too many days cooped up in the room, but she didn't mind. When Naomi went off for treatment, she stayed and tided up, changed the sheets, brought more flowers in and even decorated the room. She had to make her more comfortable right? How else, besides writing 'I love you more than cheese' in lipstick on the flat mirror next to the bed.

Treatment took extra long this time around. The doctors had warned her this would happen. Longer hours, more tests, which made Emily, feel even more lonely and lost. Be strong. Effy's rasped tone still sat in the back of her mind. She had to; it was all she had left. It was the only thing keeping her going. It was the only thing keeping her from collapsing on the floor every night in tears.

_"Ms. Fitch?"_ Emily swiftly looked up with a sniff and wiped her eyes before she turned around to face the sliding door. A nurse, Naomi's nurse. Her throat closed and she felt it strain under pressure. This was it, this was fucking it. _"Ms. Fitch, we'd like to have a word with you."_

_—-_

Sitting in a new sterile room without her girlfriend was odd. Emily didn't know what to expect? What else could they tell her about Naomi's weakening condition that could make this situation any worse? The doctor took too long, long enough for Emily to snap out of irritation. _"Why the fuck did you bring me in here? I don't have much time to sit in an office with you,"_ she looked up at the man lowering his glasses. _"Sorry,"_ she looked down and rubbed her thumbs onto her raw fingertips.

_"This isn't easy to say, Ms. Fitch. Well, Naomi, she's not responding to the treatment, but it's not… getting any worse?"_ Emily's eyes narrowed and she jutted her head back out of annoyance. _"So… what does that mean, exactly?"_ The doctor scratched his head with his index finger and lingered on a sort of pondering noise. _"Well?"_ She blurted and the doctor lowered his papers.

_"I'm not exactly sure. We've had this before but it can go either way. I… don't want to get your hopes up or hers, but, the treatment isn't working; however, it's brought her to a standstill. A… well, limbo if you must say. She's not getting better but she's not getting worse,"_ Emily stared. _Great_. Was this supposed to be good news or not? Was she supposed to make a decision now? Fuck if she knew. Naomi was the one in trouble, not her. This was bullshit. _"Well… you're the doctor, any suggestions?"_ Her voice hinted annoyance and he caught on. No beating around the bush now.

_"We said there weren't other options, but there are. In the States, they have medical testing and proper cancer treatments that could very well work for her, though, it's a long road ahead, but those are your options. Travel and experiment or wait it out here and see what happens?"_ She didn't like the sound of that. Emily blinked a few times before standing up and pacing. _"Does Naomi know about this?"_ She stopped and the doctor shook his head. _"Well, why the fuck not? I'm not her mother; she can make her own decisions. I'm just here to support my dying girlfriend."_ The doctor nodded. She was right, obviously. _"We've gotten in contact with Gina Campbell actually. She's torn; to pieces I might add you. Only, out of the country and on her way here. Possibly will be flying in by tomorrow? She was hysterical."_

_"We have to tell her. It's her decision, not mine. No matter how much I want her to get better."_ Emily sunk back into the stiff chair and dug her nails into the dull wood. Decisions, decisions. It was fucking terrible. Deciding what to do with her girlfriend without her permission? Bollocks to that. Naomi deserved to know everything, even if she kept this a secret from Emily for too long. _"What sort of treatments do they have in the states, why's it so special there?"_ Emily crossed her arms. In a second, rattled information poured out in sheets of papers, charts, surveys, and statistics. _"Newer drug treatments. Experimental medications that involve new human testing. They've come a long way and Naomi is perfect for these sorts of trials. What else does she have to lose?"_ Emily shook her head angrily. How did this prick not understand? What did she have to lose? Everything. Herself. Her mind. Her family and friends. Her girlfriend, well, that meant she was being selfish wasn't it?

_"You don't get it. She's not an experiment. I'm asking her what she wants to do and that's that. If you don't like it, then we can find another fucking doctor,"_ Emily slid the chair out from under her feet and stormed out of the room. Sure, it was unnecessary but what else was she supposed to do? Naomi was barely conscious enough to speak to most days, unless she had a good cup of tea but then she always vomited.

Emily wandered the halls of the terminal area, breathing in the scent of lost hopes and dreams. Everyone in this wing knew they were dying. They knew their time was coming soon and one of those people included someone she loved too dearly. Emily stopped outside the window, staring through the shades at Naomi. She was curled in a ball, hat on, sleeping as usual. Emily's hand caught her mouth before she could let a gasping sob escape. It felt like this every time. Standing outside this godforsaken window, staring at the love of her life withering away to nothing. _"It's not fair,"_ she whispered to herself, wiping her teary eyes. She had so much going for her; so much, and this was how fate decided to take her? After a few breaths and reminders that she needed to be strong, Emily entered the room quietly.

She took her spot on the bed, which Naomi always left open for her since she barely left the hospital. Her fingers brushed back the stray hairs that poked from the end of the fluffed hat. Her mum was coming tomorrow. Katie was as well. Emily still didn't inform her sister on every little detail, but that would wait until the time came. She couldn't spend her time crying over the phone anymore. She could only spend her time here. Next to her girlfriend, lightly touching her pale hand.

_"Ems…?"_ Naomi's voice croaked and she immediately tucked her lips. What if she never heard her voice again? What if she never heard Naomi speak her name like that? Her eyes welled again. Naomi's grip tightened. _"Don't fell well,"_ her voice struggled and Emily brushed her hand across her own eyes. No tears, not now._ "I know, I know,"_ Emily pressed her forehead against Naomi's. She felt warm again. Emily's breathing shook. _"Naoms, the doctors told me something…"_ Emily waited for a response, which eventually wiggled from her bluish lips._ "Am I dying again?"_ Naomi managed a small laugh. It amazed Emily, how could she still be this way? She admired it, whole-heartedly. Emily touched Naomi's hand again, until her blue eyes opened just a crack. _"There's something you should know, something… good. Maybe, it's your decision."_


	2. After Fire Pt 2

Emily hadn't been away from the hospital for this long. _Sure_, it wasn't her time with Naomi but it felt like wasted hours outside this airport waiting for Katie to arrive. Her hands gripped around the rubber steering wheel, feeling hopeless and almost forgetting how to drive. There she was, waiving her tanned hand and rolling her pattern suitcase behind her. Katie would boast about her time in Italy, Spain, and so on, but Emily would let her. After years of being passive, this wouldn't interfere with the sister's dynamic. Emily snapped out of her thoughts hearing Katie swear and knock on the door, since Emily clearly hadn't unlocked the passenger side yet.

_"Fucking Christ, Em's, you saw me you bloody idiot,"_ Katie slammed the door and shoved her suitcase in back before getting comfortable and flipping her hair over her shoulders. _"Well… drive, I don't want to be at this airport,"_ Katie snapped and Emily sighed. How was she supposed to tell her? What were the details she had given her? _She was back home and Naomi's sick. Fuck_, she didn't say much of anything, no wonder why Katie was being such a raging cunt.

On and on, she went about visiting and the hot guys she ran into along the way. _Cool_,_ awesome, thanks for asking me about my internship in New York_. Emily rolled her eyes and pulled up to the hospital._ "Why the hell would you bring me here? Thought we were going to lunch?"_ Emily swerved into the parking garage and tugged the key from the ignition. _"This is lunch. They have lunch, now shut the fuck up, Katie,"_ Emily didn't mean to snap, but it was out of habit. She hadn't seen her sister in a few months and she wasn't here to listen to her sexual explorations with any lad that came in contact with her.

Emily wandered off and Katie followed with echoing clicks of her flats on the pavement. _"Wait, really, Ems? Why are we here?"_ Don't cry. She hated having to admit this. _"I have to show you something,"_ her eyes said it all. Katie zipped her mouth shut for once and hooked her arm with Emily's. A silent nod. The two walked inside the intensive care unit. Up the stairs, into the elevator, down the hall, to their destination._ "Cancer center?"_ Katie slurred under her breath and Emily grabbed tightly to Katie's hand.

There it was; that godforsaken window with the blinds open for the twins to see. Katie's jaw slid open slowly._"Is that…?"_ Emily's tears started already when she nodded. _"Ems… why didn't you.. Why didn't you tell me,"_Katie hugged her sister tightly rubbing her back. Emily let the tears fall onto Katie's shoulder. She didn't have a shoulder to cry on this entire time and now it felt weird? This was supposed to be comforting but all she could feel was her heart finally breaking down from holding it in. _"It's horrible, Katie,"_ Emily sobbed into her jacket. Katie held on, eyes still facing the window looking in at an unconscious Naomi Campbell._ "Jesus fucking Christ,"_ Katie's throat caught. Emily had a reason to not tell her and this situation wasn't all about her._ "Come on, yeah? Get some tea in the cafeteria? We can chat okay?"_ Emily wiped her tears quickly and stared into the room. _"Her mum will be here in a bit. She needs time with her. "_ She sniffed and Katie grabbed Emily's hand. _"Then we'll give them some space for now."_

—-

_"Here she is Mrs. Campbell,_" the nurse led Gina to the solitary room at the end of the hallway and opened the door. Of course her mother couldn't hold her gasp. Once she heard the news, she cried the entire plane ride home. Kieran and her had been traveling like planned, but it lasted a little too long. Now this? She felt like a foolish and neglectful mother with a side of horrible guilt. Gina scurried into the room, not making a sound as she closed the door behind her._ "Oh, God,"_ her hands cupped her mouth while she sat on the uncomfortable chair next to the door. It felt warm, like someone else had been here already. Her eyes traveled across the room to the bed, seeing the tubes and oxygen taped and prodded into her only daughter. _"My little girl,"_ she whispered, staring in disbelief.

Naomi's chest rose and fell with struggle. Her hands were pale, lips blue, and hair all gone under the large hat she kept on. Sleep came too often with the chemotherapy treatment, which Gina was fully aware of, but that didn't stop her from just watching. She stared, for what seemed like hours, until her eyes finally dried and the nurse stopped in shocked to see that Gina hadn't moved. _"Are you all right?"_ Gina blinked her raw, dry eyes and nodded. _"I'm just going to change her fluids now, she might wake. This would be the time to… you know, speak to her if you wish? Naomi could possibly still be a little tired,"_ the nurse spoke quietly but loud enough for Gina to understand.

_"Naomi… Naomi dear, I have to change your fluids, all right?"_ The nurse stroked her arm and her eyes slowly came to. Less bright blue, more dull and gray. Gina watched quietly. _"Again?"_ Her voice croaked and the nurse smiled sympathetically._ "You have to stay hydrated some how, right?"_ Naomi groaned._ "If you must,"_she struggled to get the sarcasm out. _"How are you feeling today?"_ Naomi winced at the IV in her arm and stared at the small prick on the top of her hand._ "Fine, just fine. Dying, but fine,"_ Naomi weakly, laughed and the nurse helped prop her up just a tiny bit. Her hat slid down to one side and Naomi reached to fix it quickly. She hated having a cold head, even if her fevers were keeping her up and terribly sweaty at night.

Her eyes traveled blurring to the left when she saw someone. _"Deb,"_ Naomi spoke with a rasp. _"Is that real or am I just delusional?"_ Naomi stared at her mother and Gina stood up cautiously. _"It's me, dear."_ Naomi's eyes struggled to focus. No fucking way? She didn't want her mother to find out. She didn't want anyone to actually. Why be the burden on everyone's lives? Naomi sighed with a struggle and winced again at the nurse's touch on the IV. _"Will you be careful,"_ she snapped and Deborah applied the bandage before stepping away. _"I'll leave you two, ring if you need me, yeah?"_ Naomi and Gina stared at each other, she looked angry. How could her mother be angry with her? Besides, well, _the whole cancer thing_. _"Bollocks,"_Gina stood at the end of her bed. Naomi knew that face, like she was about to bust into tears while yelling. Same as Emily did after awhile. _"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to burden you and Kieran mum,"_Naomi cleared her dry throat and Gina shook her head._ "Naomi, asking me for money is a burden. Telling me you need me to pay your bills is a burden. You having fucking cancer, is not a burden!"_ Gina yelled but stopped. How could she yell at this moment?

Naomi shook her head. "_Mum, I'm dying."_ Gina didn't want to hear that sentence. _"No,"_ her first words to Naomi's sentence. _"Mum, you can't say I'm not. I know what's happening."_ This would be hard._ "But… Well, something happened recently?"_ Naomi's voice was turning weaker. _Was she tired already? _Today was already an emotional roller coaster. _"What did the doctors say, dear?"_ Gina sat at the edge of the bed, afraid to touch her daughter. Afraid to accept that this person in front of her was a real thing. Naomi couldn't be dying. She couldn't? It was her only daughter. The only thing she created that wasn't a mistake. Her beautiful baby that had grown into a well-rounded woman. _No_. This wasn't fair.

_"The treatment isn't working…"_ Gina immediately starting tearing while she looked down at her wrinkled hands. _"But I'm not getting any worse. That's what they said to Emily. They want me to try a new treatment in the States, over seas, I guess? Apparently they have a new trial for human testing and better treatments."_ Naomi was still not entirely for the idea yet. How could she be? She had been given false hope at least three times now about this whole thing. After the second time, she already had accepted that she was dying and there was nothing she could do. _"What are you going to do, Naomi?"_ She hated when her mother said her name. Like she was trying to send some judgment over, even on her deathbed. Well, almost deathbed._ "I don't know, mum."_ Naomi sighed, feeling her chest start to cave into a coughing fit. She hated these. Like they would never stop until her heart beat so hard it felt like it had fallen outside her chest. Gina ran over, rubbing Naomi's back and handing the cup of ice chips to her so she could cool down. They never helped. Lucky the coughing didn't last long.

At least Gina was in contact with her now. Not staring at her like she would catch something, but that was just Naomi's imagination. Of course her mother cared; why else would she fly in from her year long vacation to see her? She really did love her mum, when she wasn't being selfishly stupid. In this case, she felt sorry for her. Sorry that she had to put this weight on her shoulders. Sorry that she had to be the one dying before her mother. _"I think you should do it,"_ Gina spoke up. She took a seat on the bed next to Naomi while she rubbed her back lightly. It was comforting, but she still had her doubts._ "Why? What for? So they can tell me a third time that I won't get any better? What have I got left anyway?"_ Naomi looked around the room. What did she have left? Her eyes caught the mirror to the right, making her smile for the first time all day. _'I love you more than cheese'_ written in Emily's lipstick. What did she have? She had Emily. She always had her. First she didn't tell her about this so she wouldn't worry, so she wouldn't have to hurt her again, and now? _Now what? "You can do it for you, Naomi. For her and for me?"_ Gina's voice whimpered and Naomi's eyes stayed on the mirror, reflecting back. _For her._


	3. After Fire Pt 3

_"Stanford University?" _Naomi read off the pamphlet and stared at Emily while she packed up the room._"Where's that?"_ She turned the papers over looking at the new trials that were offered._ "California, it's a School of Medicine. Long flight there, but if this is what you want to do, Naoms?"_ Emily looked cautiously, just so she didn't make this her decision. Of course she wanted her to try, but the ache of false hope lingered over their shoulders again. _"The doctors said I could be apart of a testing process that starts this year? 10-100 people? Always been invested in science,"_ Naomi giggled tiredly. Emily shut the suitcase and sighed, making her way over to the familiar hospital bed.

_"What did your mum say about all of this?_" Emily kissed Naomi's warm cheek and turned on her side to listen. _"Surprised, upset. The usual appearance of a mum that saw her daughter in a terminal cancer unit?"_Emily rolled her eyes. _"Will you be serious for once?"_ Naomi turned on her own side and pursed her lips._"She was concerned and scared, I told her not to be because I'm doing this for her. And me. Mostly you."_Emily smiled, brushing her hand across her cheek. _"Do this for you, not for me. Okay? I'm with any decision you make."_ The door opened and Emily swiftly glanced around her shoulder at a boy entering the room. Dark shorter hair, bags under his eyes, and a purple jumper?

_"Oh, oh, fuck… sorry, Naomi, I-I didn't know…"_ Naomi sat up and adjusted her hat._ "Dom, calm your tits, get over here. This is Emily, Emily this is Dominic,"_ Naomi cleared her throat and reached for her water. Dominic stood anxiously with a few boxes in his hands and a card. _"Nice to finally meet you,"_ he reached his hand out but pulled back once the boxes started to slip from his hands. _"Shit, let me, let me uh put these down."_He turned awkwardly until he found a small spot on the empty dresser. He rubbed his hands and the girls sat up more politely instead of having their intimate conversation. _"I was, well, I am Naomi's mate, was Effy's. I just came from her trial hearing. What we expected,_" he nodded and the girls sighed. _"Couldn't stay out of trouble now could she?"_ Emily spoke up and rolled her eyes. She was still bitter about the whole situation, but she had to let it go sooner or later.

_"So why are you here Dom? And what's in the boxes?"_ He nodded and turned to grab the card to hand to Naomi. He stepped away with his hands grasping each other. _"Card? For me? Oh you shouldn't have,"_Naomi joked and Emily helped her get the flap open. _"From me and Effy, she actually spotted some cash for this and told me what you liked. Since I heard you were going off to the States, we thought you'd need a few things."_ Naomi stared at the check in her hands._ "Dom, this check is over two-thousand pounds…"_ He nodded stuttering. _"All Effy, for travel expenses she said. And a sorry, which is in here."_ Dominic handed her the thin box and yet again, Emily helped her open it quietly. _"A fucking computer?"_ Emily whispered seeing the brand new MacBook Pro sitting on her lap. _"And these,"_ Dominic took the liberty to open the last box, which was more square than the first one. _"Box sets of your favorite shows. Friends, uh, not sure what the rest are since they're buried under. But I got you a few DVD's, nice ones. Thought you would like since Effy said you were into old fashion films. Classics all in here."_ He handed the box to Naomi and she smiled appalled at the effort that Effy could even manage from a courthouse. More for Dominic being here.

_"I wanted to see you off before you went, my, uh, email is in that card too. Keep me updated will you?"_Naomi nodded quietly, tucking her lips and reaching her arms out for a hug. He scurried over awkwardly and grasped his hands around her shoulders, not too tightly. _"Thank you, Dom."_ She whispered and he shook his head. _"No need to thank me, it's what you're supposed to do right?"_ He smiled at the two girls while Emily stood to walk Dominic out. _"I'll grab you some more water okay?"_ She stated to Naomi and waved for Dominic to follow. _"Hope it all works out,"_ he turned around and followed Emily out the sterile room.

_"I didn't mean to barge in like that, I-I was so used to her being alone in there an-"_ Emily waved her hands to make him stop speaking. _God, did he ever stop stuttering?_ _"It's okay, don't worry about it. I wanted to say cheers, for this. For being there for her when no one else was. I'll keep you updated."_ He smiled, a sense of relief._ "Where are you off to then?"_ He asked with his head down, trying not to be too intrusive. He was just a friend, looking to see if this would work out. _"Stanford, California. The university there is doing new trial testing on cancer. She'll be 1 in 100 to get the tests."_ Emily's voice sounded worried and Dominic caught on._"Hey, hey, it'll be all right? She's strong. Funny, but strong. Good luck, the both of you."_ Dominic hugged Emily, feeling like he was too much of a stranger to do so the first time.

Emily traveled back toward the hospital room, smiling at Naomi fiddling with her new laptop that she obviously didn't know how to use. She entered quietly, knowing that the door slammed too loud far too often. _"Stupid thing, needs to charge,"_ Naomi closed the box and crossed her arms. The check came to her mind and so did the price of all this. _"Ems… how are we affording this?"_ Naomi's eyes filled with worry, but Emily had it covered. _"Well, before Effy gave us this,"_ she lifted the check and inspected it for any type of felicity, _"I sold a few things."_ Emily spoke apprehensively. She didn't want Naomi to know how she was affording these tickets and pieces of treatment. Sure it was a trial, human testing, and genuinely free; but the girls were now moving to Stanford and that meant room and board, food, and a whole new life out there. _"Sell? What the hell did you sell? Don't tell me it was something important, I won't have it."_ Naomi glared. Stubborn Naomi Campbell, almost Emily's favorite side of her.

_"My camera equipment, some photographs I shot, and my internship actually funded me to come back no charge. They understood and paid me, even if it was not paid. Some severance too."_ Naomi pushed Emily's hand away from hers. _"What the fuck?! Why would you sell all that stuff? Why?! I didn't ask you to!"_ Of course she would throw a fit. Emily dropped everything, literally everything, to see Naomi make it through this. She sometimes thought it would be easier to not take this option. _Wait to die_. Emily crossed her arms. _"I don't care about all those things, Naomi, they're just things!"_ Emily dropped her hands next to her sides. Her girlfriend still held a strong pout on her lips. Reluctantly, she agreed to let Emily take a seat on the bed. She grabbed Naomi's hand again, feeling her try to struggle to take it away, but she wouldn't allow it. _"I'm doing this because I want to an-"_ She stopped and noticed Naomi's tears near the corners of her eyes.

_"Naomi, please,"_ she sniffed and adjusted her hat. _"Emily, I didn't want you to do this. I didn't want you to come away from your life for me. None of this was worth it, none of it,"_ Naomi sniffed, hunching over until her head touched the pillow in the opposite direction. _"I said I wouldn't hurt you and now what? Look at you? Look at me?"_ Naomi's hand dragged across her wet cheek.

Emily stood and walked around the bed as quickly as possible. _"You didn't hurt me, Naomi!"_ She couldn't risk her denying the treatment now. She couldn't. _"Yes, I was mad, really mad you didn't tell me, but it's not worth it. I'm here now. Here for you. You're not alone in this, Naomi, so you can't keep trying to push me away."_ Emily slipped her hand into Naomi's, weaving around the tubes until their fingers laced together properly. "_You're not getting rid of me and I'm not getting rid of you._" Her fingers squeezed lightly. _"We made it through the internship, we'll make it through this, yeah?"_ Emily's voice grew raspy. She was just as emotional about this situation as Naomi, just not feeling the illness. At any moment, the treatment could go south; now or later. They didn't have much time left and Emily realized that. Naomi realized too much too soon.

_"We're Naomi and Emily,"_ Naomi whispered. _"And we can do anything,"_ Emily finished.


	4. After Fire Pt 4

_"People keep staring at me,"_ Naomi grunted, crossing her arms without the IV getting in the way. Of course people would stare. A pale girl with a rolling IV drip next to her and a hat on in this weather? _"Ignore them,"_Emily rubbed the top of her hand to calm her down. Stuck in an airport terminal in New York. It was disappointing. Emily had it all planned out in her head. Fast flights. Easy travel. No problems. Besides the damned storms that were happening over the west coast. Naomi didn't have much time to waste sitting out in the open like this. Even her doctors advised she shouldn't travel so soon, yet here they were, four hour delay waiting impatiently.

_"Wish we could explore the city,"_ Naomi spoke regretfully, feeling like she was holding Emily back yet again. She didn't want to be that bother, especially back where Emily loved it most. _"It's not that great,"_ Emily tried to cheer her up but the look on Naomi's face said otherwise. _"You babbled about this place for hours and now it's 'not that great'?"_ She mocked, wielding a small smile so Emily knew she was being sarcastic. _"Tell me about it,_" Naomi beckoned and put her heavy head onto Emily's shoulder for comfort. _"You've heard it all though? Every piece?"_ Naomi didn't care. She wanted to memorize every rasp, tone, and piece of Emily's voice. Her depressive side oddly showing at this hour wasn't all too common.

_"Fine. Just because we have four hours and you look sleepy. Bed time story and such,"_ Emily smiled linking her arm with Naomi's so she was closer. _"You know it all. The city that never shuts the fuck up. Long nights ringing you on Skype, oh, and the occasional homeless man asking me for change on the street. You know me, handed over all I had,"_ Emily shook her head. Naomi wasn't responding. Her brow furrowed and she leaned her head forward to see. She was fast asleep already. It wasn't fair. They were sat on uncomfortable chairs. She was hooked up to a fucking tube in the middle of a fucking airport. Emily kissed Naomi's cheek, hopefully that would cause some sort of comfort, but not even a budge. Emily knew she'd be tired, extra treatment before she left, but something didn't feel right in the pit of her stomach.

_"Naomi… Naoms… wake up… Naooooomi,"_ her eyes cracked open. Everything around her was still blurry. It never took this long for her eyes to adjust. _"Come on, sleepy head, our plane's ready. They bumped us to business class. More room, extra pillow."_ Emily helped her up but Naomi didn't speak. She was too fatigued to even say a word, which was noticed too soon. Emily snagged a wheelchair and Naomi groaned. _"I'm not a cripple!"_ She bellowed but she reluctantly sat in the chair. _"Don't waste your energy,"_ Emily said sheepishly before wheeling her off into the correct terminal.

First on the plane, due to medical purposes, it was nice. The two had their own seats next to each other, no one in the middle since she had to keep her drip going. _"Fucking, lovely,"_ Naomi crossed her arms and sat back angrily._ "What's wrong?"_ Emily stared over, realizing how tired she was. She hadn't slept once; her time was spent keeping an eye on Naomi while she dozed off. The doctors told her what to look for: rapid breathing, cold sweats, vomiting, and shaking. Not like she hadn't seen it all before. She was worried. Naomi already had a headache from the pressure of the last plane, this flight was supposed to be even longer._ "I hate flying. I hate the itchy seats, the tiny blankets, and the in flight movies. Why would I want to watch a comedy about a taxi driver? Who the hell cares!?"_ Naomi dropped her hands to her lap. She had been annoyed since they left the UK. _"You'll be asleep this whole flight, I guarantee you."_ Emily yawned between her words.

She didn't mean to, but Emily dozed off during the first few minutes of the terrible in flight movie. No matter how much she tried to stay up to watch over Naomi, it was inevitable. She hadn't slept in almost 24 hours. A sudden shake on her arm rustled her eyes open in a panic. Naomi looked pale. Her breathing harder. _"Fuck, f-fuck, w-what's wrong?_" Emily stuttered and unbuckled her belt to turn to her side. _"Panic attack? Do you need to-"_ Before she could finish Naomi puked. Not much, unfortunately it disturbed a lot of passengers around them but it wasn't their problem. The yellowish bile sat on her sweats and Emily hit the call button above them. _"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay."_ She rubbed Naomi's back while she breathed in even beats._"Breathe, Naoms, breathe,"_ Emily half hugged her, mostly to protect from the judging looks from across the plane. _"Will you fuck off!"_ She turned to the man glaring behind his book.

The attendant arrived, holding towels and a few bags incase there was another accident._ "Sorry, she's…"_The woman nodded. _"My sister was the same way."_ The woman clarified, knowing at least something about cancer or just flying sickness. Emily thanked her and let Naomi sit back while holding her tears. She knew she hated getting sick, especially in public. Not like she could control it, but Emily still felt terrible. If she could shield her away from everyone on the plane she would. _"How's your head?"_ She asked while dabbing away the watery residue. Naomi sniffed and touched her damp forehead. _"Like an elephant shat on my brain,_" she swayed until the back of her head touched the seat. _"I'm hot,"_ Naomi's voice cracked. She was trying to hold back. _"Let me get the medication, did you wear shorts under these?"_ Emily peered near the elastic of the sweats and Naomi nodded. _"Take these off, I'll give you my blanket. Stay here,"_ Emily slid off the seat and undid the latch at the top compartment.

The plane sounded and the fashion seatbelt sign blinked until it hit a solid light. An attendant that was making her way through the cabin tapped Emily's shoulder. _"Ma'm, I'm going to have to ask you to sit. The light is on."_ Emily shook her head, glancing at Naomi, who was obviously breaking out into a fever. _"Look, my girlfriend is sick and I need to get her medication,"_ Emily glared and the woman crossed her arms._ "The light is on, Ms."_ She shook her head sighing until the woman wouldn't leave. _"She's got fucking cancer, do you really want me to sit down and watch her get sick on her trousers again,"_ Emily called and the passengers stared. Naomi moved her face until her forehead was plastered to the plane window. The attendant huffed and walked away, while Emily finally got a good second to grab the box of medication to help with the fever.

She sat and popped the three pills into the coil of her hand, grabbing the small cup of water right after._"Here, take this. Fever will go down and you'll fall right asleep,"_ Emily bumped her hand against Naomi's arm but she didn't budge.

_"Naoms…"_ Emily stared, seeing her blinking through the reflection of the window. She sighed. _"I hate when you get like this,"_ she whispered. Naomi rubbed under her red, raw eyes and sniffed. _"Like what? Like this? Sick. Ill. Oh, how about dying?"_ Naomi pressed her hot head against the cold plastic. _"No, not like that,"_Emily's voice turned raspy while she whispered. They didn't need to cause another scene on this plane._"Stubborn. Hopeless. Not willing to take your medication,"_ Emily's voice turned more soft. She wasn't going to yell at her for this. _"What's the point…"_ Naomi muttered. Then, in a second, Emily felt her heart breaking. She had heard Naomi say it before;_ 'what's the point, I'm dying anyway. There's no use. Why bother?'_ but this time sounded different. Most of the time her knack for sarcasm hit the fan and Emily was able to roll her eyes. Not now. Naomi was serious. The tone of voice. The weak desertion of hope. Her heart sped up looking over at her. A girl that's lost all hope before hope even arrived.

_"The point?"_ Emily's voice shook unintentionally. "_I love you, that's the point. A lot of people love you. And the only way for you to not be in pain right now, is to take these."_ Emily opened her palm again showing the multicolored medical capsules. Naomi didn't even turn around; she just shook her head slowly against the window. Normally, Emily would push this, but now it seemed rather pointless. Her hand clasped around the pills and she moved away, staring straight ahead at the seat design in front of her. Was this her giving up too? She maintained her breathing and placed the pills back in the box. Emily set it in the seat in front of her, just in case Naomi changed her mind, but it didn't seem likely. Stubborn as she was, this was something new entirely. She didn't even turn around. There were six more hours left on this flight. Emily couldn't sleep now. She couldn't sit next to her girlfriend that was in a clear amount of pain she couldn't move. Naomi looked as if she didn't want to be touched, so Emily responded as normal. Keeping to her mind. Not asking if anything was wrong unless Naomi reached out. _Six more hours. Just six more hours and they could have their hope again._


	5. After Fire Pt 5

After much difficulty, Naomi finally agreed to take her medication. She couldn't stand feeling as horrible as she did. Intentionally killing herself over this plane ride wasn't worth it, but she realized almost too late. A few more trips to the toilet on the plane, a few more heaves of stomach bile, and even an irritated rip out of her IV; the two were in a taxi on their way to Stanford. Emily noticed the increasing amount of irritation in Naomi's voice and even body language. She wasn't willing to be touched in any sense of the word. Her hand pulled away when Emily tried to console her.

_"Are we almost there?"_ The first sentence out of Naomi's mouth since about six hours ago. It sounded tired and cracked, just like how she looked. Emily wasn't sure how, but Naomi managed to look more pale and sickly than when they left. "_Should be soon, do you need to stop anywhere?"_ Naomi's head hung back and touched the seat. _"Please,"_ her chest rose faster and Emily leaned forward. _"Hospital?"_ Naomi nodded with a panicked look on her face. _"Shit,_" Emily muttered. They were about an hour away from the University, but a hospital stay might be a better idea. The hours of flying, pressure building from the plane, and everything combined. They needed to get to an emergency room.

Emily lunged forward and tapped the taxi driver's shoulder. _"Where's the nearest hospital?"_ Her voice rang through the car. _"About five miles back? Do we need to turn around?"_ Emily nodded, buckling back up again. They were out of medication, since they were in such a rush to get off the plane Emily had forgotten the pack in the seat in front of her. She touched Naomi's knee, lucky this time she didn't pull away. _"We're turning around and getting you to the ER okay?"_ Her hand curved around her kneecap and rubbed the delicate skin. _She'll be okay. She'll be okay._ They didn't leave the UK for nothing. With Naomi willing to try this trial, it was worth everything they had.

_"$30.56,"_ Emily pulled out the cash and handed over $40. _"Keep the change._" She quickly pulled Naomi from the car and saw the IV bag was nearing the end of its trail. She looked around for any staff outside. She spotted a few paramedics having a fag out near the emergency exit. _"Oi… mind helping me. My girlfriend's…"_ Emily jogged between breaths until she caught up pointing behind her. Her eyes blurred seeing in the distance. Naomi's legs wobbled and she swayed until they couldn't hold her anymore. She collapsed on the ground, nearly hitting her head on the curb. _"Fuck!"_ Her voice echoed and the paramedics were already working in action. Emily wasn't sure what to do. Her feet glued to the ground and her ears ringing while more paramedics asked her questions. She ignored them, mostly because she couldn't hear anything beside her heartbeat through her ears. She watched Naomi be lifted onto a stretcher and a hand respirator slip over her nose and mouth.

_"Miss!"_ Emily snapped out of it, feeling her shoulders in the grasp of another person's hands._ "What's your name?"_ Her voice struggled to make an appearance. _"Emily,"_ she still couldn't hear herself speak. _"And what's her name?"_ He pointed in the direction of the paramedics wheeling Naomi through the emergency doors. _"N-Naomi, m-my girlfriend, she-"_ He shook his head grabbing her arm and leading her inside. Emily was placed in the waiting room, along with a few papers to fill out. Like she could fill out fucking papers right now. A paramedic she recognized from outside walked passed and she stood chasing him down the hall before he actually heard her. _"You don't know what's wrong with her, it's cancer. She was taking… uhm,"_Emily rummaged in her pocket and pulled the receipt of the last batch of medication she had bought. Her hands shook vigorously. He grabbed the paper and nodded seeing the list of numerous medications._ "How was she responding in the last 24 hours?"_ His voice was stern and unshaken. It terrified her. How could someone be so cold sounding?

_"Uh… well on the plane she got sick a few times. Fever, shaking, sweat,"_ Emily's voice trembled. _"Is she okay? Can I see her?"_ He immediately shook his head. _"She has to go in for treatment and with the condition she was in… there's no saying she'll be all right so soon. She'll be lucky if she makes it through the night."_ Emily couldn't believe what she was hearing. After all their work and progress. After everything they had already been through. Emily shouldn't have pushed Naomi this far. She was selfish. She was wrong. Her chest caved and the paramedic walked through the double doors. Restricted access, flashed on a red sign. She couldn't even see her. What if she didn't make it now? She never got to say goodbye or that she loved her.

Standing in pure shock, Emily was directed by a nurse into the waiting room. Once more, the sheets of papers were handed to her. _"Take your time,"_ the nurse clarified and backed away like Emily had some sort of disease. Were people shit at comforting others in this town or what? Emily stared at the information on the charts. _Symptoms. Insurance. Birthday. Name. Date._ She only got as far as writing Naomi's name before her eyes started to water and drip onto the paperwork. _"I can't do this,"_ she whispered to herself and set the clipboard aside.

Emily moved down the hall with a feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach. Her eyes stared straight ahead and he legs floated down the hall evenly while her back stayed straight. She was on a personal mission. Find Naomi. Hall after hall, they seemed the same. Terminal unit? She decided against going there first. She couldn't stomach seeing Naomi back in there hooked up to a machine. Emily followed her gut. Turning down halls until her stomach twisted tightly into a knot. Her breathing shortened when she approached the window. Oxygen hooked up and a new IV, Naomi's head sat on the pillow stripped from her comforting hat. She looked exposed. She looked so terribly alone. Emily stared, feeling her teeth tremble behind her quivering lips.

Naomi's eyes opened upon a nurse coming in to check on her. She couldn't speak very well or clearly. Her head hurt if she moved, but Naomi still managed to catch Emily's eye through the glass window. Her eyes focused on Emily's while her lips tucked away so she wouldn't look as scared as she felt. She needed to stay brave, even if she knew this could be their final stop. The girls stared, frozen in time for this moment._"I'm sorry,"_ Naomi mouthed. Those two words caused Emily to cup her hand over her mouth and bend just a bit forward. Like she couldn't stand any longer. It hurt Naomi just as much as Emily showed. She was hurting her all over again and that did more than cause a broken heart.

Naomi felt choked up but again she needed to be strong. Emily could break down, but Naomi couldn't. She felt she owed something to her. This whole trip was for her; Naomi had given up the when she was told to be made comfortable. Actually, before that. Useless times alone in the new cold flat. Naomi weakly stared at Emily. She didn't produce any tears, even though it felt like the most appropriate time. Naomi was scared. She was scared of dying. She was scared for Emily and her mother. She was fucking terrified and no one could understand how she was feeling. Sure, they could ask if she was okay or comfortable. But they didn't understand. Anything she did could be her last. Her last word. Her last meal. Her last time hearing Emily's voice.

Emily put her hand on the window and Naomi swallowed hard. _"I love you,"_ Naomi mouthed clearly. Emily's fingers curled against the cold glass. She watched a nurse touch Emily's shoulder and lead her off in the distance. Not before the girl's eyes parted slowly. She watched the dark head of hair stroll, still looking back at her until she was out of her vision. Naomi finally sighed, exasperated, and lonely. She felt numb and exposed. No comfort in this white room with tubes running along her arms and under her nose. They didn't even let her wear her hat. All she wanted was her hat. Her hat and her Emily, but none of those things seemed to be an option.

This felt like the end of the road. What more could she do? Naomi felt like she had tried her hardest in life, but nothing seemed to work. Time after time, she was given the shit end of situation since college ended. Actually, since her and Emily got back from traveling. She was never too confident nor was she egotistical. What did she do to deserve all this? All Naomi wanted to do was make a difference and be someone important. Now, she was as important as a speck of dust. Slowly dying and being shut out from the world. She hated giving up. She even hated the feeling of wanting to give up. But now, her eyes were dulled and passionless. How could she put forth any effort to be whom she always wanted to be when life never even gave her a chance to live?

The nurse entered again and Naomi ignored her while she worked about the room. She didn't know this woman. Naomi missed her old doctors, even if they were useless pricks that gave false hope too often. At least they were nice. This woman was aloof and didn't care to even try to make Naomi comfortable. It felt as if they were waiting for her to keel over so they could have an open bed for the next poor soul. _"Miss?"_Naomi's voice croaked and she tried to clear her throat._ "Can I trouble you for a pad of paper and a pen?"_The woman stared, dumbfounded or just plain stupid._ "Huh… didn't expect you to be British."_ Naomi didn't even have the strength to roll her eyes. _"English, actually."_ The sarcasm made the nurse turn away and loudly grab what Naomi asked. _"Here,"_ Naomi sat up, slowly and weakly, but managed to hold the pen and paper. _"Would you be my witness?"_ She asked, no shake in her voice and complete seriousness. It wasn't a 'just in case' situation anymore. _This was now._


	6. After Fire Pt 6

_"Dear, Emily. I know this is sudden and my writing is shit, but I didn't have much time to write this. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I mean that in every way possible. Through the years of useless chats, walking around the beach, and traveling together, you made me happier than I have ever been. I owe you so much but unfortunately can't do anything now besides write this terribly written note. More of a letter I guess? I don't know if I'll make it through these last few treatments, I need you to know something. You helped me live my life to the fullest, seriously, I felt a bit pointless and stubborn in this world until we met. Including when we first met. I don't want you to dwell on these things and I know you like to blame yourself for a lot of things but this isn't your fault. None of this is your fault. I want you to live the life I couldn't. Do something in the world and make a difference. Be the best fucking person you can be. Just don't forget me? Don't forget our first kiss or when we held hands for the first time. Cuddling for hours and talking about the stars and high gas prices, or even complaining about me taking up most of the bed. Remember my voice, because I know you hate that sarcastic tone I do when I'm irritated. I won't forget you, even if this whole thing doesn't work out and everything. Donate me to science or something. Maybe then my body could be of use besides well the obvious things. I'm getting off topic, but again, Emily I wanted to say I love you. I left a box of things for you back at my flat. It's under my bed and to spoil the surprise, it's something you can keep or discard depending on the circumstances. Don't forget to live your life, Ems, because that's what I'd want."_

Emily stared at the scattered note in her hand that the nurse had given her. _"W-When did she… w-write this?"_ Emily sniffed. The nurse sighed, clearly annoyed at the question._ "Yesterday before you were escorted back to the waiting room."_ The nurse left her disconnected voice and looked back at her clipboard._"When are visiting hours?"_ Emily folded the letter in her hand. She watched the nurse point to the sign. _"No visiting hours on weekends."_ It was Saturday. _"So you're saying I can't see my girlfriend until Monday?"_ The nurse nodded and chewed her pen annoyingly. _"Yep, unless you're family."_ Emily's hands shook while gripped into a tight fist. _"Her family is back in London. I'm her family!"_ Her legs shot up and she walked closer to the nurse, who only lifted her eyebrow at the shorter girl displaying anger.

_"Not married. Not family."_ The nurse clicked her pen and turned around to walk through the nurse's only station._ "Oh, fuck that!"_ The nurse waved her off. This hospital was a joke. A real fucking joke. Emily had completed all the paperwork. She was the only person here for Naomi and they were denying her because they were only partners._ Only?_ They didn't know anything. They didn't know the girls would do anything for each other. They didn't know how much the two had been through. Just because they were dating. Emily shook her head. _"Thought this place was supposed to be accepting,"_ Emily leaned against the locked door and crossed her arms. _Two days._ That's why Naomi wrote the letter. She was to have two days of treatment before they couldn't afford it here. Before she might die. Before this was the last time they would see each other.

Emily rubbed under her bagged eyes and sluggishly made her way back to the waiting room chairs. The note unfolded and she peeked at the sloppy writing that Naomi always had when she was tired. It made her giggle, sadly, but giggle nonetheless. _"God, this girl is fucking ridiculous,"_ Emily wiped her teary eyes and continued reading over it again. There was more. How did she miss it the first time? Oh yeah, she was crying. Always crying.

_"Remember when we were in Goa and we spent the night on the beach, wrapped in a shitty blanket with too much sand? And that crab that almost nipped at your swimming costume near your bum?"_

Emily smiled, wiping the small tears that sat near the corner of her eyes. They traveled down the back of the page. A list. Not just any list. A list of all Naomi's favorite moments with her. Every single one, listed down to them simply talking on the phone the first time she went to New York to see what the job would be like. Each of their firsts, laid out in a timeline on paper right before her eyes. Scribbled smaller and smaller until the page was filled. Locked out of their car. Separated at a concert and finding each other on stage. Running up the rolling hills of Ireland until they collapsed under the large tree. Traveling through Wales and exploring the older castles. Biking in Amsterdam and finding the field of lilies that ran from almost every color.

The list went on and Emily reminisced alone. She didn't want to be alone now, but what could she do? It was a hospital. A hospital full of people with their own problems. She wasn't even the one suffering, but why did she feel so guilty and alone? The end of the note caught her eye, _'you're my lobster and always will be'_. Emily held the note close to her heart.

The past few hours had been a complete painful blur. Naomi's head swirled and pulsated. Her body felt like a ten thousand stone weight on her lungs. Even with the oxygen set up, she felt like breathing was her hardest quality. Was this what it was like to die? The nurse said she made it through the night and that was a good sign. A good sign? Well, what about this night? This afternoon? This fucking hour? She could hear the wheezing and struggling noise being produced by her esophagus.

Nurses came in, they moved rooms, and set up another IV with the chemo treatment along side._ "Can I have my hat?"_ Naomi shivered and the nurse stared at her like she was speaking another language. _"Ball on the top, strands hanging down, colors?"_ She strained her voice and the new nurse looked back at the one that delivered Naomi to the treatment room. _"I'll get the hat, get her started,"_ the nurse blandly stated and walked out of the room slamming the door behind her. Naomi's ears rung, like a gunshot had just gone off. Her eyes squinted. The light in the room was too bright. _"Open, say ah,"_ the nurse flashed another light into Naomi's mouth and swabbed the inside of her mouth. _"We have to test for typhilitis since you've been nauseous, fever, all the vomiting you've been doing._" Naomi sighed once the nurse clamped the swab in a tube._ "You're all so positive around here, aren't you?"_ Apparently the doctors in this hospital weren't used to such sarcastic individuals. The nurse ignored her question and ran the stethoscope under her gown and around her back. _"Breathe in,"_ Naomi followed directions. Poking and prodding until they were ready to move her to the actual chemotherapy room. The set her in a wheelchair and the nurse made it just in the nick of time with Naomi's hand. Not like she was rushing to please her anyway. Naomi finally was able to feel a bit of comfort. Her hat smelled like Emily's shampoo and the comfort of her old bed at home.

_"Okay, Ms. Campbell, sit back,"_ they stuck her arm with the needle and she sucked in with her teeth to ease the pain. The woman running the treatment obviously didn't know what she was doing. Missed needle pricks, about five times, before a vein was hit. The treatment made it easy for Naomi to bleed, _"Uh… I'm going to need a bandage,"_ she looked down with her sulking blue eyes at the needle pricks that were leaking small lines of blood. The nurse swore and stood up too fast, knocking the monitor down that held the medication Naomi needed. _"You're fucking joking,"_ she rolled her eyes and sighed._ "Sorry, sorry, I'll get the doctor!"_ Naomi's jaw slipped open seeing her scurry out of the room while her arm was still dripping onto her gown.

_"They're all idiots,"_ Naomi looked over trying to keep her breathing steady. Another woman sat behind the curtain, pulling it aside. _"Heather,"_ she greeted her with a tiny wave since her arm was connected to the opposite machine._ "Naomi,"_ she cleared her throat and stared down at the drying blood on her arm. _"Stage 4, you?"_ Naomi shook her head. She didn't want to compare illnesses with a stranger. "_Here,"_ Heather tossed her a thin towel and Naomi placed it on her forearm. "_Cheers_," she sat back staring at the shit storm of a destruction the stuttering nurse.

_"There she is, sorry, I-"_ The nurse stuttered and the older doctor shooed her away. _"Ms. Campbell? Sorry about the mess. New interns don't know what the hell they're doing."_ He lifted the machine and pulled the towel from Naomi's arm. _"Few pricks, we can bandage that right away."_ He snapped his fingers behind him and the stumbling intern grabbed a wrap and bandage material. The older doctor set up the chemo treatment in seconds, which felt numbing pouring into Naomi's veins. She closed her eyes and too much time passed before she noticed her arm was wrapped up and the nurses were gone.

Heather was gone. The room was empty and she had nothing in her possession to keep her busy. Her tired thoughts and lonely spirals of depression that left her wanting to hop out the hospital window and head for the hills. If only she had the energy to do so. Naomi stared at the tube strapped to her forearm and touched the end of her skin. Numb. All numb. Her stomach felt empty. Her brain felt like mush. If there was one thing Naomi hated more than giving up, was her brain not catching up with her body. There would be another two hours of this, then another day, if she made it. At least she had her hat, but she lacked her Emily. She wondered if she got the letter she wrote. She wondered if the nurse mailed out her will per her request.

Naomi felt a tap at her shoulder. The nurse that delivered her before was back. _"Is it over?"_ The woman shook her head. _"You still have another hour, but we needed to tell you the good news. No infection and according to your charts,"_ the woman flipped through the clipboard._ "You're actually doing better. Better than your previous efforts back in England."_ Naomi squinted her eyes at her. How? How was she doing better? She felt absolutely worse. _"So what are you saying?"_ She weakly stared up at the doctor, who was smiling for once.

_"You'll be leaving tomorrow morning with your girlfriend. She's been sleeping in the waiting area, begging for visiting hours. Keep up the positive attitude."_ Naomi stared mindlessly as the woman left the room and shut the door quietly. Hope was a dangerous thing. Too many times had she been given false hope by doctors, people, family and friends. How was she supposed to believe that she was actually getting better? Enough to walk properly again? Enough to see Emily and smile, even if it was temporary. All of this felt so damn temporary. It was hard to get into the positive swing of things, especially without Emily there to help her along.

Naomi stared at the IV in her arm and bit her bottom lip. Why was she wasting time? Her teeth sunk into her lip and she pulled the drip out slowly. She would've done it faster, but her strength supply was low. Naomi huffed in a slight bit of pain, struggling at the feeling returning to her body. She felt labored while pushing her feet to the ground. The tile was cold and the sensation felt wonderful. Naomi felt like she was learning to walk all over again. Lucky the wheelchair wasn't far from her grasp. No IV, no oxygen hookup. She had to see Emily and tell her the news. _"Okay, let's do this."_ She sighed and reached for the door handle, pushing it open enough to slip through with the last bit of push she had on the chair. Naomi looked down the hall reading what she could on the signs with her tired eyes.

_"Brilliant,"_ she muttered seeing the 'waiting room sign' at the end of the hall. Naomi pushed the wheels with the palm of her hands. Less effort with a wheelchair, why was she so stubborn before about this? There, she saw Emily's head slouched down looking at a magazine or paper? Naomi reached the window and knocked on the glass, catching Emily's attention after the third strike of her knuckle. Her eyes grew wide and a tucked smile formed on her face. Emily walked over, floating with every light step on the tile until she reached the window. Naomi flattened her hand against the glass and smiled. Emily slipped her hand on top of Naomi's, through the inch thick almost reflective material in front of them. Emily hadn't seen Naomi smile in a long time. _"I'm going to be okay,"_ Naomi spoke loud enough for Emily to hear the words echo against the glass. Her lower lip trembled. _"R-Really…?"_ She mouthed and Naomi's eyes began to gloss over with tears._"For now, yeah."_ The girls stared at each other, both smiling. Trying to smile at least. Emily was busy wiping her eyes from happy tears and Naomi was doing the same, only laughing. Just what she needed to see, Emily happy again.


	7. After Fire Pt 7

The last MRI from this hospital. Sure, they were getting old for Naomi and less scary, but she still wished Emily could be there to hold her hand. They advised against it. They advised against everything in this stupid hospital, but she had to go with it. They said she was getting better? Stage three to two? Naomi wasn't worried about what stage, just getting to Stanford so they could start the final treatment and she could go on to remission. Maybe even live another thirty to forty years.

Blood tests, chest x-rays, PETs, CT, and any other fucking scan they could get done on Naomi in one day, they did. The last set, which Emily was allowed to be there for, was the physical examination. They let her wear her hat after taking much abuse from Emily ranting about how cold the place was and how she was paying massive amounts of money for this. Actually, it was Effy who was, but they didn't need to know that. After one final breath and the cold stethoscope leaving Naomi's chest, the doctor pulled away and grabbed her chart. Naomi was exhausted from sitting around in a hospital gown all day and being pushed around room to room.

_"So?"_ Emily nervously twiddled her fingers and Naomi reached over to cover her hands with hers. When Emily was nervous, it only made Naomi even more worried. _"Right, Ms. Campbell. With Hodgkin's Lymphoma it's difficult to say where we'll be going from here. You were teetering onto stage three, but you seem to be in a sort of stuck state at two. You could continue chemotherapy and possibly get to remission, but your body is fighting the treatments at times."_ Naomi slipped her fingers between Emily's to keep her calm. This wasn't anything new. Emily had researched day and night about the horrible named illness and probably knew more than Naomi. But ignorance is bliss right?

_"What does stage three consist of?"_ Naomi spoke up, more inquisitive than sarcastic for once. _"Well more involvement of lymph node regions on the diaphragm. Both sides actually. More targeted areas at organs, smaller ones, spleen, places like so."_ Naomi nodded, whispering a soft "_Oh_," under her breath. Emily's grip tightened. _"Stage two was your targeted cervical area, but that's long past. Like I said, you're unfortunately in between the two."_ Naomi furrowed her brows. _"So I'm not getting better, you're saying I'm worse? You're saying I'm stage three?"_ The doctor seemed on edge with her question. They were providing bullshit statistics and chart graphs yet again. _"Well, yes. But there-"_

_"Fuck!"_ Naomi belted and let go of Emily's hand._ "What the fuck is it with you doctors! Keep it straight, Jesus fucking Christ!"_ Emily touched Naomi's shoulder but she pushed her off straight away. _"Am I able to leave this god forsaking place and head to Stanford or not?"_ Naomi crossed her arms._ "You can, yes, but I would highly advise that you continue treatment here until you're not… in between any stage."_ Naomi rubbed her forehead with an annoyed groan. Keep her here until she gets to an actual stage three sooner or wait until she's back at stage two so they could travel a few hours._ "Take your stage three and fuck yourself,"_ Naomi stood up and pushed her feet back into the provided slippers the hospital gave. They might as well have been plastic. They were so uncomfortable.

She slammed the door behind her and left Emily to have a serious conversation with the doctor. She was the conscious in this situation and Naomi was the anger. Constantly belting out when things were just getting worse. Why would they tell her she was doing better when she was between stages? _Great_, now her spleen or liver or whatever else the fucking cancer could take from her. Naomi found her way back to her room, surprisingly the anger kept her energy up enough to start packing. There wasn't much, her suitcase was barely opened beside the computer that Dominic had provided. Naomi was stuck in terribly designed hospital gowns most of the time here anyway.

With the computer shoved away and a change of clothes, featuring a long pause to catch her breath, Naomi was finished. Absolutely done with this bullshit place. _"Hodgkin's can fuck off,"_ Naomi tossed the gown on the ground and stuffed her hat back on. It might have been hotter in California than in England, obviously, but she hated having her cancer worn out in public. People stared; thinking her lack of hair was a fashion statement or they knew. She hated people knowing. It was her business and everyone needed to stop fucking staring before she blew a gasket.

_"What are you doing?"_ Emily's voice chimed when she opened the door and saw Naomi in a set of shorts and a jumper. _"I'm leaving. This place is bullshit. Bollocky bullshit and I don't want to be here anymore,_" Naomi sighed and sat at the end of her bed, head sagging downward. The apprehensiveness of Emily spread across the room and she knew what would be said next. _"We might want to stay,"_ Naomi rolled her eyes. _"Just a little longer, Naoms. The doctor has a point."_

_"No, the doctor wants more money."_ True, but Naomi was just being stubborn. _"They don't let you visit me. They don't let me watch tv. They watch me when I piss… Emily, I don't want to be here."_ The urgency of her voice fell flat. She knew, no matter what she was feeling, Emily had full reign of the decision making at this point. After all, she was paying for expenses that Effy couldn't cover._ "Okay,"_ Naomi's head cocked back slightly almost annoyed at her response. _"Emily, you're supposed to be the level-headed one. You know? 'Naoms stay here. Naoms finish your treatment. Naoms don't kiss me you smell like chemotherapy,'"_ Naomi mimicked a poor initiation of Emily's voice. Slightly deeper that she meant for it to be._ "I've never denied you for smelling like chemotherapy,"_ Emily smirked.

Her hand ran behind Naomi's back and she rubbed softly, as delicately as she could. _"It's your choice. Not mine. If you want to go to Stanford, by all means, we're going to Stanford. If you want to stop all this, fine. Just know that I will start denying you for smelling less like chemo,_" Emily placed the side of her head onto Naomi's jutting shoulder bone. _"Does chemo even have a smell?"_ Naomi asked curiously, smiling from the corner of her mouth. _"No, it doesn't. You always smell like a bed of lily's, or spliff,"_ Emily teased and kissed her pale cheek. _"Anything else we need to pack before we get out of this hell hole?"_ Emily asked teasingly, but Naomi just shook her head. _"Never even unpacked,"_ she pointed to the suitcase that was lifted onto the medical table.

_"Then it's settled. We leave. This afternoon."_ Emily stood up but Naomi's hand was still linked with hers. _"Where are you going?"_ She asked more worried than anything. Emily smiled, reaching for her phone. _"We still have to make sure you're that one in one hundred, right? Have to make a few calls, have to check you out of this place, and have to pay that bill with a check."_ The girls sighed while parting hands. Emily didn't depart so soon though. Naomi's head was lifted with a light press of a finger under her chin. She smiled, looking up at Emily; still full of hope or denial. Whichever was better for her at this time, Naomi didn't fucking care.

_"I love you, you know?"_ Naomi nodded. _"I know,"_ she half whispered. Emily pressed her lips against Naomi's, just for a moment. A clear moment that gave Naomi a small bit of hope that she had lacked for the past few months. Emily kissed her forehead and adjusted her checkered hat. _"You still look beautiful. Very beautiful."_ Emily ran her thin fingers delicately behind Naomi's ears, out of habit of course when she used to have longer hair. It still felt nice. It felt real to Naomi. Like she could believe every word Emily was saying to her. She hadn't felt beautiful since this started. She hadn't felt beautiful since her girlfriend had left to New York. Naomi almost forgot what that feeling consisted of. Her stomach warmed and she faintly smiled up at Emily.

_"They're going to take care of you over there you know,"_ Emily clarified. Stanford was a sign of hope. Emily was a beacon of fucking light in this situation. Naomi simply enjoyed the moment. Her girlfriend's voice. The small touch behind her ears and down her cheek to her chin. The content feeling of just sitting there, feeling like she was floating._ That, right there, was hope_.


	8. After Fire Pt 8

_"This is how everything will work, ladies and gentleman. You will all get name tags. You will all get rooms. You will all get meals. You will all get recreational hours. You will all get showers. You will all get visiting hours."_ The man standing in front of the group read from a list with a robotic voice. _"So, this is jail?"_ Naomi whispered to Emily. She shook her head. _"They have to stick to a certain schedule,"_ Emily cupped her hand around Naomi's and squeezed tightly while they listened to the rest of the rooms. Each test subject received five hospital gowns, a nurse, and a day for testing. First would be diagnosis, to get to the root of the problem and see how much dosage they needed of the experimental drug. Emily sat overwhelmed, squeezing Naomi's hand like she was the one that was terrified.

_"You are all test subjects. You need to be honest with us about how you're feeling and what is happening. Brutally honest. That means, bathroom needs, vomiting, dreams, and whatever your body is doing. We need to know; it's the only way we can make this human testing trial worthwhile. I must say, that we cannot promise anything. We cannot promise a cure and we cannot promise this will work 100%. Trial and error. Some of you might not make it. Some of you might. We have therapists to help you along the way. Like I said, you need to be honest with the doctors. I'm the student's director, Mr. Hamilton. You can all call me Charles."_ He stated loud and clear. Naomi wasn't paying attention. Die or not die, blah, blah, blah. So she was an experiment. Joyous and wonderful! She crossed her arms and looked around the room. Emily was so desperately trying to reach for her hand but Naomi wasn't in the mood. She had just joined a testing facility that was a lot like jail. Maybe worse. A psychiatric ward. The people around her looked just as dead as she felt. Pale, bald, and frail.

She didn't like being surrounded by these terminal people. She didn't want to mingle and discuss who had what and how long they had been in treatment for. Naomi wanted to sit in her room and play fucking scrabble with Emily or even a shitty game of cards. Anything would beat hearing over and over that this wasn't 100% effective. _"Campbell, Naomi?"_ Her name was called and apparently she missed the previous instructions. _"Present…?"_ She called and looked around with a cocked eyebrow. _"Naoms, you have to grab your things,"_ Emily whispered and she nodded. _"Right, dress for jail, line up, and grab my slop."_ She smiled, inching her way out of the seats to the front of the line._ "Garments, slippers, key, and name tag,"_ Naomi held her things, looking at the airtight bags like they were the most sterile things the university could find. _"Now… what?"_ She looked behind her at a few empty seats. How long had she been daydreaming? _"Didn't you hear? Surnames, A-E, testing today. No visitation hours."_ Naomi turned to find Emily in the crowd but they were already leading her out the doors. _"Wait, can't I say by-" They stopped her. No visiting hours today. You're heading straight for testing and diagnosis."_

Another round of poking and prodding. She could've just told them what she had. That would've been easier, but they insisted on testing for anything and everything. Scans of every piece of her body. X-rays of her chest. MRI's of her whole body and then some. She figured the radiation from it all would've killed her or just made her go completely bald. At least she still had a small boyish cut and her eyebrows. The others in the same testing time as her looked much worse.

_"Open,"_ Naomi squinted at the bright ceiling light and opened her mouth. A rough wooden stick flattened against her tongue and she could've gagged, if she still had any taste left. A swab of her tonsils. A lift of her eyelids. A check in her ear and nose. _"Okay we need you to undress, we have to check your cervical area,"_ Naomi stared at the nurse. A sense of humor striking over her already. _"Aren't you supposed to buy me dinner first?"_ The nurse stared with a blank face that was clearly un-amused. _"Tough crowd,"_ she muttered and slipped the gown off with a bit of help. Her body felt sore and weak. No chemotherapy for a day or two and she felt as elderly as the terrible old people that used to bunk at her house.

The worst part wasn't the examination, but having to describe how everything felt at every second of the damned day. 'Is this all right? What do you feel?' Well, if the nurses liked sarcasm they would've gotten a mouthful by then. Unfortunately they weren't very tolerant of Naomi's backlash. _"Next, you're going to the diagnosis room. With these three,"_ the nameless nurse read off the sheet. Two other girls were wheeled out, looking much more sickly than Naomi. Then she was pushed out next. They all had IVs sticking to their arms and the same gown on. If Emily was here, Naomi would've joked about how this place looked like the holocaust. But she had to keep that inside, along with her question of when visiting hours would be.

_"Addison, Demient, and Campbell?"_ The three girls nodded and Naomi sat back ready to roll her eyes. The two girls looked half dead, staring at the '_not so hot'_ doctor that ruffled his longer hair back behind his head. _"Get a haircut, Fabio,"_ Naomi muttered to herself. _"You three are all in the same stages. Roughly, same treatment should follow. Hodgkin's."_ Naomi rolled her eyes. _"I could've told you that,"_ she shook her head, unable to keep her mouth under control without Emily's help. The doctor stared at her before clearing his throat._ "Like I said, all around the same stages, so we'll be issuing the same dosage. The drug's effectiveness centers on its relationship with a protein called CD47, which is found on the surface of cancer cells in high quantities."_ Naomi let her head fall back on the comfort of her wheel chair. She didn't want to hear the doctor specifics. She wanted to see Emily.

While the doctor went on about the risk factors and such, which Naomi should've been listening to, she stared at the other patients in the same room as her. The two women looked absolutely terrible, worse than her. And the doctor dared to say that they were on the same stage? What stage was that? Balancing death? One girl looked like she was coughing up blood and the other was struggling to stay awake. Seeing her inevitable future, terrified her. Was this was she was to become? Radiating chills ran up her arms and Naomi looked down at her pale bluish hands. Inevitable. Fucking, inevitable.

_"Any questions?"_ Naomi raised her frail hand and the doctor was hesitant on calling on her._ "Yes, Campbell?"_ She cleared her dry throat and looked at the girls next to her before asking._ "When can we having visiting hours and well, how long are they?"_ The two in the room stared at her like she was some type of alien. It had been common since she arrived in the states. _"Didn't know you were British,"_ the weak girl whispered next to her and Naomi rolled her eyes. _"Shocker,"_ she spoke sarcastically. _"Visiting hours are not until tomorrow."_

Cold. The doctor didn't seem to care. _"So where are they staying?"_ Naomi asked abruptly and the doctor obviously didn't want to answer her question. _"Wherever they decide to stay. We don't provide room and board for non–patients."_ Hm. Wonderful. She didn't even have a phone to use to get in touch with Emily. _"As I said, this CD-47 protein will cause the immune system to attack the cancer cells that are sitting in your body. Rendering you, hopefully, clear of the illness and on to remission."_ Well, that sounded promising. Naomi didn't believe it. How could she? Sure science had come far, but fucking hell, there was no way that out of 100 people, she'd be the lucky one. Luck hadn't been on her side since… ever.

The doctor was finished and the girls were wheeled to their separate rooms, which were fairly close to each other. Naomi hated that. She hated being grouped into a section with a few people that had the same condition as her. The others, from what she remembered, looked worse. She could read some of the charts that sat on the doors. Leukemia. Over and over, the charts read the same. How was she so lucky to be apart of this? Everyone else had it worse off. For a moment, Naomi wished she could've backed out and let someone who was in a worse situation have this chance. A chance of survival was all these patients had and she was taking that away from someone.

_"Here's your room. You may decorate it as you wish. The call button is on the side of the bed. Unfortunately, the cable isn't set up yet… so you'll have to be patient. Your first round of treatment should start within the hour."_ Naomi thanked her; at least she was nice and willing to nick her another pillow. She left the wheelchair, stubborn as always, she felt she didn't need it. Of course she was weak and needed a break from walking or standing, but she was in her room now and this room needed to be comfortable. Naomi sat at the edge of her stiff bed and looked at the white walls and small window. _"No snow,"_ she spoke in a hopeful voice. Naomi lifted her hat from her head and set it to the side. Emily would make this place to her standards with little things. Small pictures, a vase of a single lily. She'd hack into the university's wifi and let Naomi stream some shitty movies on Netflix while sitting with her in bed.

This room wasn't home. Naomi felt less at home here than at the previous hospital. She sniffed. No crying but the feeling like she just had. A runny nose and strained throat. This was her last stop and Emily knew that, even if she didn't want to accept it. Naomi's subconscious streamed useless thoughts and memories from the speech the doctor had given. This trial was supposed to be a five yearlong commitment; people coming and going. Dying and living. 20 million dollars funded to this university, to make a miracle happen. Naomi didn't believe in miracles nor did she believe in fate. The world was a cruel place and punishment was everywhere; good or bad. Everyone was punished for absolutely no reason.

Naomi reached into her suitcase and pulled out the few pictures she had of her mates. Effy and Naomi moving in to their first flat together outside of London. Emily going off to New York for the first time and saying goodbye at the airport. A group photo of everyone from college; Freddie's birthday party that he wasn't at. She smiled, sifting through the old photos to more recent ones. Funny ones, sad ones, and even disappointing ones. Naomi glanced around the white room. No tacks to hang anything. No board or frames. It felt so temporary. Like they had to prepare at any moment to let one person go and another settle in.

_"Here's the pillow, dear,_" Naomi looked up at the nurse and thanked her with a weak smile._ "Are we allowed phone calls?_" The nurse shook her head._ "Not yet."_ Naomi groaned, which caught the attention of the nurse in a different way. She closed the door, then the shutters. _"Okay, the dial code is nine, then you can dial out anywhere. Long distance is free too,"_ she handed Naomi the phone and she smiled, thanking her under her breath. There was one person she needed to call. Someone that wouldn't get the message straight away. She dialed, waited for the odd tone to sound and hit the voicemail after a few rings.

_"Hi, this is Effy. I'm not answering now so leave a message."_

_"Eff… it's me, I wanted to say thanks. You were too kind with the gifts and the money… and I don't know how the fuck you do these things you do, but I really appreciate it. I'm in California now, Stanford. Human testing for a new drug that apparently destroys cancerous cells. Maybe I can be donated to science or something,"_ she laughed into the phone and sniffed. _"I miss you. My best mate and all. Call if you can. Write if you can too? Hope all is well. Love you,"_ Naomi lifted the phone from her cheek and hung up.

_"Are you okay, dear?"_ Her nurse asked and Naomi nodded while rubbing underneath her nose._ "Yeah, yeah. I'm always all right. I didn't catch your name though?"_ Naomi moved back on her bed, feeling exhausted from the day of events already. _"Oh, Sarah. You can call me Sarah. I'll be your nurse for the entire trial run, so we can be on a first name basis. Naomi, is it?"_ She pointed to the name tag pinned to her gown. She nodded and sniffed again. _"I'll leave you to nap for a bit, then I'll be back to help set you up on your first treatment. Oh, and I'll bump you up to the front of the visitation list if you like?"_ Naomi shook her head. She wasn't selfish. Seeing the state of the other patients in this trial made her feel more appreciative of her time now. Everyone else deserved that precious time with loved ones._ "No, seriously, many other patients deserve it more than I do. I'm fine taking my turn. Honest."_ She half smiled, not happy, but not disappointed.

Sarah grabbed her chart and tucked it under her arm. _"You're a very sweet girl. I'm sorry you're in this position. Life is a bit unfair at times."_ Naomi sat quietly, agreeing through her fidgeting hands. _"That's how it goes right? Good or bad people. Things happen, you get through it or you don't, right?"_ Sarah agreed, grabbing the handle of the door. _"You're also very wise, Naomi. Don't lose that while you're here, okay? Don't lose yourself."_ Naomi looked over, grabbing her hat from her side and slipping it over her head once more. _"I already promised someone I wouldn't."_ She smiled, happily watching the door close behind the nurses back.


	9. After Fire Pt 9

_Part 9 inspirational soundtrack_

_"She's… something's different about her,"_ Emily explained from behind the glass. The nurse was tending to Naomi's needs in the room, which meant that no visitors until the processes were complete. _"She's doing better, Ms. Fitch,"_ the doctor explained. Emily nibbled on what was left of her nails. She felt something wrong. Anyone that knew Naomi could see it. It had been a few weeks into the treatment and Naomi's hair was starting to grow back. The color returned to her face and that bright blueish gray had sparkled in her eye. Something was off. Emily could sense it. It didn't feel right in the pit of her stomach. Like they were playing God or something worse. Naomi hadn't spoken since after their first visit together in the facility. The doctor's just said she happened to be tired, but Naomi didn't look herself.

She looked well. She looked better. She looked like she could run a mile easily. But… she wasn't speaking. She wasn't saying anything for that matter. Not even to the doctors. Naomi would write down her analysis and how she felt for the summarization of how the medication was doing, but that was that. Emily wanted to know what was wrong. She wanted to help, but she couldn't do anything behind this fucking glass window.

Emily was stuck outside with the doctor that didn't seem to see anything wrong medically._ "How are the other patients doing then? The whole process. If this one is doing well, how about the others?"_ Emily asked, eyes still focused on Naomi who was blankly staring at the ceiling. "_Ten fails. All leukemia patients."_ Stone cold voice. Ten out of one hundred people didn't make it and it had only been a few weeks in. Emily chewed on her bottom lip. _"Are the chances still high for her?_" No answer. The doctors were still hiding something. _"You may go in now,"_ the nurse popped her head out from the room and Emily nodded, glaring at the doctor while she walked past.

She only had two days a week to visit Naomi and even if she had been doing better these few weeks here, Emily didn't see progress. She saw an empty body, sitting, staring, hopeless. _"Naoms?"_ Emily approached the bed and Naomi only moved her eyes to see just the edge of Emily's face. _"I'm here for my visit. How are you feeling?"_ Naomi stared straight at the wall. It had been like this for three weeks. Three bloody weeks. Like her brain had turned to mush and disintegrated under the scope of the doctors. _"Say something… please?"_ Emily stood in front of Naomi, folding her hands together. Naomi looked up, bags still under her eyes but more color to her face. _"Naoms…"_ Emily beckoned and she just stared once more. Naomi shook her head, her eyes lost in Emily's face. Like she had never seen her before.

_"I-I…" _Naomi's eyes narrowed, thinking, pondering, and wondering._ "I don't… remember your name?"_ Emily stared, hiding behind her mask of bravery. _"Emily, I'm Emily, remember?"_ Naomi stared. Her face contorting into that familiar face when she was thinking too hard. _"Em….ill…y,"_ Naomi shook her dizzy head. _"I know, I know you,"_ Emily sighed. Wiping under her eyes quickly. She walked her way toward the side of the bed and climbed in with Naomi. She seemed to not mind, even if Emily at this point in time was a complete stranger. Her eyes closed and Naomi sat back resting herself along Emily's side.

She had to believe this wasn't going to get worse. The doctors believed it was nothing, but someone's mind wasn't supposed to leave them. Not now. Not during this stage Naomi was in. She needed her memories. She needed her hope and help. She needed to know she wasn't alone in this. Emily had to make that her job; never let her lose hope.

_"Ms. Fitch,"_ Emily felt a small shake on the side of her arm. Naomi's nurse produced a weak smile._ "Visiting hours are over. We have to ask you to leave unfortunately."_ Emily lifted her legs from the bed and stood up. Naomi was fast asleep, without her hat on. She hadn't worn it the past few times she had visited. _"Is… uhm, is she really okay?"_ Emily asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. _"The doctors say so. I can't really say much else. I'm sorry."_ Her nurse patted Emily's shoulder while she made her way to the exit. "_When she wakes, would you tell her that I was here? If she remembers…"_ Emily held the handle shaking through her skin. She was terrified. Being forgotten was an inexplicable fate. _"Of course, dear. Of course."_

Naomi's eyes fluttered open from the prick of a needle in her vein. _"Fuck,"_ she groaned until the medication was applied. _"All done. Here, here,"_ her nurse bandaged a cotton ball on the underneath of her forearm. _"You wouldn't give up on me would you?"_ Naomi looked up, smiling dazed._ "Of course not. You're a fighter aren't you?"_ Naomi sleepily nodded against her pillow. _"Emily was here, you know?"_ Naomi looked up at Sarah. _"Who?"_ Sarah turned around to grab the photo off the ledge._ "Her, she's your girlfriend, remember?"_ Naomi held the corners of the frame, staring puzzled at the photo_. "Oh,"_ she finally remembered. A small flash in her brain, like a Polaroid camera setting off. _"She used to own a scooter. We…"_ Naomi stared up to the right. Trying her hardest to remember as best as she could.

_"And?"_ Sarah finished, only trying to help. She told Naomi not to lose herself, but she couldn't deny what Emily's concerns were. Naomi's brain was lost. In some sort of funk of medication and blur. _"Uhm, she…" _Naomi's voice dragged on, with vigorous blinking. Sarah knew what this meant. Just because her body was getting better, didn't mean her mind was all there. It was slowly deteriorating. Her memories and thoughts, all gone in a hazed coma of medication. "_I don't…_" Sarah took the photo frame from her hand and placed it next to the single flower in the vase._ "Don't tire yourself, dear."_ She patted Naomi's shoulder and grabbed her chart. _"I have to chat with the doctor, but I'll be back soon. Here's the remote."_ She handed the television remote to Naomi and smiled walking her way out.

Naomi had no use for television. She didn't really like it in the first place. Only when she wanted to pass time or when she couldn't really produce the strength to go out in the last few months. Her eyes traveled along the wall pattern to the window. The frame sat neatly next to a wilting lily. _"Oh,"_ Naomi sighed, finally noticing the flower had started to die. It upset her, but she wasn't entirely sure why. The photo was a nice one next to it. Flowers were supposed to die, right? Naomi rubbed under her nose and eyes, not realizing she was tearing up until her finger was wet. Emily… she had to remember her story. She had to remember her. She had to remember herself. Naomi could barely understand who she was most of the day. It wasn't fair. She didn't want to be this way, but her mind wasn't there. It felt six feet under. It felt lost and disconnected. Emily. Naomi closed her eyes, focusing and rummaging her memories. A sparkle of red hair here. A flicker of brown eyes there. But, nothing seemed to come about. Nothing at all.

_"Doctor, she's losing her memory…"_ Sarah sat in the chair holding the results from Naomi's current screening._ "She barely remembers a few things from yesterday. I think we-"_ The doctor held up his hand. _"Her diagnosis is depleting. She's doing well. Some precautions need to be taken. She might not be who she was before. She might need some rehabilitation to walk again, speak again, or even remember things. Some things she won't remember ever again. It's the price you pay, Sarah."_ She sat silently. He was right. They were playing a dangerous game, but it was all research. _"Her family and friends need to accept it, Sarah. We can't keep her together alone you know."_ She quietly nodded. _"Well, here's her progress."_ She pushed the clipboard across his desk and stood up. _"I need to get back to my patient,"_ she swiftly turned to the exit but was interrupted. _"Sarah, you cannot be too attached to these patients. We discussed this. Anything could happen at any time. She's not yours, she's a test subject."_ Sarah left hastily.

_"Ms. Fitch, hello… it's Sarah, Naomi's nurse. We're just updating you on her progress. The protein seems to be doing what we wished so far. Just a few weeks in. This process might take a long while too, still. I'm calling you for a specific reasoning. You are right. There is something wrong and I was advised not to repeat this information to you but I feel you must know. Naomi's memories are… how you say… fogged, for now. Not forever but it could be permanent. I ask that you help in that aspect, since you know her so well. She didn't remember your name today. She did remember a story about you two though, but couldn't finish it. I ask that you help her remember. I ask that you help her remember who she is, who you are, and how happy she used to be. Because right now, she's losing herself and she promised you that she wouldn't. I'm calling as a concern, not as a nurse. Please. Do what you can, bring more photos, tell her stories about you two. Do something. Because we both know that she's a bright girl that cannot do this alone."_

Emily ended the voicemail. Her heart was swerving left and right. She knew. She knew this whole time and only one person cared. One person cared enough to warn her. They wouldn't grant her more visiting hours. They wouldn't give her special treatment just because this was Naomi Campbell. No. They wouldn't do anything but their research, like they had said from the beginning. Emily was losing her hope along the way. She didn't want to be forgotten by the most important person to her. She didn't want to be a lost memory that never existed in Naomi's mind. They were special. _They were something more than special._


	10. After Fire Pt 10

_"Here's your tea,"_ a slim hand placed a cup into Naomi's frail hand but guided it down to the tray in front of her. She was weak. Very weak. The process had been on and off for a few days. Some energy here and some weakness there; however, today was different. Sarah had been monitoring her intake of medication, chemotherapy, and vitals. Nothing was changing. Like a small standstill radiated around her that caused no progress. She waited for the visiting hours to open. Once Emily entered the room, whether Naomi remembered her or not that day, her face would brighten up. Just like a social memory spreading through her mind. Naomi knew she was supposed to be happy seeing Emily's face, but often questioned why or who she was? Those days broke Emily's heart, but she concealed it with a fake smile and a teary eye. Sarah would leave the room, but it never made it any easier.

It was getting more difficult each time. Convincing Naomi that she was dating her. Convincing Naomi that they were best friends. Convincing Naomi that they even knew each other was just as tiring. Emily often brought photos of their travels, reminisced about their inside jokes, and how much they said they loved each other. Even some plans for the future; but, Naomi only stared quizzically. Her blue eyes still dwindling with hope and wonder. Naomi wanted to understand. She wanted to remember and know the things Emily was speaking about, but it was all fog. Everything. Every little memory before the hospital was now fog.

_"There's got to be something we can do…"_ Emily chewed her nails nervously while gazing through the window of Naomi's room. Sarah had given the same advice time and time again, but Emily knew it wasn't working. Constant reminders and stories. It was all becoming fiction before Emily's eyes. Her fingers were raw. Her mouth cut up. Everything was crashing slowly, which Emily found worse than all at once. She could see the love of her life forgetting her… forgetting them and that hurt more than anything. That hurt more than a terminal illness. _"It's the medication, Ms. Fitch, I've told you. It's strong. It keeps her sedated most hours and forgetful. Memory loss, but not forever."_ Sarah squeezed Emily's shoulder and she nodded with a tiny sniff.

From what she had learned, the other patients weren't doing so well either. Another few had finished treatment a little too early and ended up with a white sheet over them. Emily couldn't stop seeing it before her eyes. One minute a happy laughing Naomi with her poof-ball hat on and pale and lifeless the next. She rubbed her eyes to get the image out, but it stayed. It always stayed. Like her subconscious was preparing for her to grieve before it was even time to. Saying goodbye early was another hurtful feeling. Not as bad as heartbreak. Not as bad as someone forgetting her either. But still bad enough to tug at her heart.

On today's evening, Naomi didn't say much. She read a book on the same page that she had been stuck on for a week's time, she didn't remember why she was there, and more importantly, her illness was spreading. Emily had to keep holding that sense of hope. Sitting in the corner of the room with her hands to herself just watching Naomi struggle with a page of a book. It was terrible. Naomi was disintegrating before her eyes. This wouldn't be who she wanted to be; Emily knew that. She wouldn't want to be a brain dead, bed ridden, idiot that couldn't remember how to fucking read. Then again, this was all Emily's idea wasn't it? Emily tapped her fingers nervously and smelled the overly sterile room with discomfort. Naomi threw her book onto the floor, which caused Emily to jerk her eyes upward. _"Fucking book,"_ her spark was back for a second. Naomi crossed her arms and fell to her back with a thud._ "What's the matter?"_ Emily asked quietly from the corner.

_"It's terrible. A terrible book. None of it makes sense."_ She huffed and Emily stood with her flats on the ground. _"Well let me take a look."_ Emily picked up the book and chuckled. _"Well… the book is terrible because you hate this book, Naoms."_Naomi looked up puzzled and grabbed the cover to see._ "I've never read this book…"_ Her eyes grew concerned and Emily did what she always did. _"You did in college, The Catcher in the Rye? You always thought Holden was a whiney teenager that wanked too much."_ Emily smiled holding the ends of the book while Naomi shifted through her mind. "_Oh… I guess, yes._" Naomi touched her chin perplexed that she didn't remember that exact fact._ "Uhm, Emm… Emma?"_ Naomi stuttered. Emily shook her head. "_Emily. You know me too."_ Naomi nodded, like she was supposed to. She did every time Emily had to correct her on previous knowledge.

_"How do I know you, again?"_ Her voice sounded distant and befuddled. Emily took a seat on the edge of the bed, flipping mindlessly though the pages._ "We met in primary. A long while ago. Do you remember?"_ Emily asked with a tinge of hope. Naomi shook her head slowly. She grabbed the side of her scalp and winced. _"Headache?"_ She nodded. Emily stood up and reached for Naomi's pills. Antibiotics, fever reducer, etc. Why didn't they have a memory toggler? Emily placed the two large sized pills into Naomi's hand with a glass of water from her bedside. She swallowed them easily; too easily. She used to hate taking the medication. "I'm kind of glad you don't remember this you know?" Emily smiled innocently to herself._ "I snogged you when we were about… 13 or… no… 15? My sister thought it was you, but… I told her I was on pills and well… I just wanted to kiss you."_ Naomi's face reddened slightly and her lips curled into the smallest smile. It made Emily rest easy seeing her react to the story positively.

_"Then what?"_ Naomi asked with her hands folded in her lap patiently._ "Well… we didn't speak for a long while until College. You probably hated me, but I knew I needed to speak to you again. Which we did, it was nice. You were nice… sometimes."_ Emily flipped the cover of the book with her finger thinking about how terrible the entirety of their relationship was. Up until the past few years, it was a struggle with admitting and honesty. It felt good to relive the past, but not if Naomi couldn't remember it. _"We kissed?"_ Naomi questioned while Emily nodded. _"Yeah, at a party,"_ Naomi shook her head. _"No, no. There was a lake."_ She looked up at Emily. Their eyes swam the same current across each other. Reliving that moment they expressed some sort of feeling for each other in the woods that night. It might have been sarcastic at first, but damn it felt good. Naomi's neck turned a pinkish red._ "Are you embarrassed?"_ Naomi's brow wrinkled quickly and she shook her head smiling.

_"No-No! No… well, it feels like a dream."_ Of course it felt that way. Emily scratched under her jaw to think. _"It did feel like a dream I guess. It's what I always wanted. To be with you._" Her voice grew smaller. Why was it so much easier to admit these things to Naomi now? Maybe because she was turning into a stranger._ "You wanted to be with me?"_ Naomi asked, hugging her knees to her chest under the thin blanket. _"Yeah, for a long time actually. It felt normal, you know? We felt like better people.."_ Emily's voice trailed after it cracked. She didn't want to be too emotional because of this instance._"Are we still together?"_ Naomi asked, but Emily paused. She wasn't sure how to answer it. She wanted to say yes, but Naomi's face looked troubled. "_What do you want, Naomi?_" The girl's blue eyes traveled down the sheet toward Emily's hand; as if it were familiar to grab it and rub her thumb across her skin. However, she didn't. She felt out of the ordinary. How could she feel so comfortable with someone she barely remembered? Her headache was back.

_"What do you mean?"_ Naomi finally asked back with her eyes darkening to a shade of grayish blue._ "Would you like to be with me still?"_ Emily asked. Her brown eyes settled on Naomi's pale hands, wondering the same thing. _"I want you to be happy, Emily."_ Naomi's voice sounded confident, but broken to pieces. _"Are you happy?"_ Naomi asked, tilting her head to reach Emily's eyes. She didn't look too happy. Waiting day in and day out for Naomi to get better. It had been a few months and California was getting lonelier by the second. _"I'm not sure,"_ Emily finally answered. _"Would you be happier without me?"_ Naomi asked. Emily felt her heart sinking. Was this a break up? How could this happen? Naomi didn't know her anymore— that felt more like the end of the world, but this was frightening.

_"You don't have to be with me if you don't want to be, Emily."_ Naomi pulled her hat off and revealed her shorter hair; slowly making it's way back. The light brown peeking through past her ears._ "Naomi."_ Emily reached for her hand but the reaction was delayed on Naomi's part. Emily's hand cupped hers and her fingers didn't curl until Emily almost pulled away. It felt so foreign to Naomi. Most of this did; though, she felt something there. Something she couldn't place inside her head.

_"Emily,"_ Naomi stated in the same tone. _"You deserve to be going on with your life. I believe everyone should, right?"_Emily reluctantly nodded._ "You talk about your internship in… New York, yeah? Go. Go to it."_ Naomi voiced with confidence. She had faith in Emily, but what Emily didn't have was faith in her own self. That's where Naomi always supplied the work and built her heart up for it. _"I can't just—"_ Naomi handed Emily her hat and closed her hand around it._"You can. You can do anything."_ Naomi smiled but Emily's lip trembled. "_I'm going to miss you, though."_ She knew it would have to come to this. Naomi was fading away; she was right, Emily couldn't wait forever, but she didn't want to accept it. She loved her with all her heart, but she knew she had to let this go.

_"I'll still be here, Ems,"_ the tone of her voice sounded familiar. Like her subconscious broke free and told Emily that everything would be okay. _"B-But what if you're not? What if you're not here, Naomi?"_ Emily stuttered with tears welling to the corners of her eyes. Naomi shrugged._ "People die, I'm a person. You're alive and well so enjoy it."_ Emily sunk lower into her slouch. Everything she was saying was exactly what her girlfriend would say. The tint of old Naomi still hid under the surface; even if she felt like she was speaking to a stranger._ "You can do anything, Emily. You don't need me for it._" A tear rolled down Emily's cheek, hitting the blanket by Naomi's foot. Naomi was granting her freedom, but it was the last thing she wanted. She knew this was a Naomi decision, not a stranger sitting across from her trying to hurt her. Emily opened the hat and rubbed her thumbs across the fabric. She turned and placed it back on Naomi's thin face and smiled while she touched her chin. It was hard to deal with, but she still refused to leave her for good._ "I think I'll go home for a bit. See my sister."_ Naomi nodded with her lips tucked and a small smile.

_"Good."_ The last words she heard out of Naomi's mouth before she left. Emily came by the next morning to say goodbye before her flight, but she was out cold. She stared through the window, then back at her watch for at least an hour. Sarah told her she would be in good hands, but Emily still felt she needed to be there at all hours. Naomi looked worse today than yesterday. "_You'll tell me when it gets bad?"_ Sarah looked at Emily sympathetically. _"Emily, it's already bad."_ Her eyes welled again, putting her hand on the glass. _"I can't leave her though."_ Emily's voice wavered and she shivered scarcely._"She wants you to go, if you keep coming by she'll remember."_ Emily swallowed the lump in her throat. _"My flights in an hour,_" was the only sentence she could spit out._ "You have five minutes then."_ Sarah whispered and unlocked the door for Emily to walk inside.

She could see the weak breathing under the sheet and Naomi's head tucked away under her hat. Emily pulled a frame from her bag and set it on the table next to the bed. Their first picture together. Their first time admitting they were together. Their first step to saying they loved each other. Emily pulled Naomi's hat up just a tinge so she could kiss her forehead goodbye. _"I'll miss you, Naomi."_ She whispered and touched her cheek. Soft, cold, pale. _"I love you."_ Her voice wavered and cracked when she stood up. _"Ms. Fitch,"_ Sarah poked her head through the door and smiled sympathetically._ "Your flight."_ Emily nodded and walked out, taking one last look at her girlfriend. She didn't want to remember her this way; she wanted to remember the smiling and laughing. She wanted to remember the intelligent conversations, the epic rants of politics and feminism, she wanted to remember Naomi for who she really was, not this lifeless person that was barely breathing.

Emily turned herself off for the flight home. Over 16 hours, she stared at the seat in front of her. The image of Naomi still burring it's way into her mind. She would do anything to change it. Anything. Emily stepped off the plane exhausted and seeing Katie wave her hand in the air like she was a blind individual. She yelled and called, happy as could be to see her sister after three or so months gone. Katie was smart, knowing she shouldn't ask any questions beside how Naomi was doing, once. Emily said she was okay so they didn't have to speak about it. They sat in her car and Emily closed her eyes, letting her imagination figment that Naomi used to be. Strong, confident, sensual, passionate, and the love of her life. She vowed to not stay home long; she also vowed to return to her internship in New York, but what Naomi didn't know was that Emily vowed to always love her, no matter what happened.


End file.
